On the Road to Oprah

About two and half years ago, my friend hosted a girls’ night out at her serene log cabin. Sitting in her den overlooking the lake, I felt relaxed and inspired. She asked the group the question, “What is your greatest dream?” I immediately had an image of my childhood hero, Oprah. I imagined myself coming home from school, having a snack and watching Oprah expertly ask questions to the most amazing people with kindness, compassion and empathy, all the while pushing them further into a topic as she interviewed them. I turned to my friends and said with passion, “to be interviewed by none other than Oprah.” In the fall of that year, the same friend took me to the Oprah 2020 Vision: Your Life in Focus Tour. The tour further propelled me to be one of the people on that stage standing side by side with Oprah. Having this goal has remained imprinted in my mind.

When the pandemic hit, I decided I needed to figure out the small steps to allow me to meet this goal. For me, this meant reading books, taking courses and increasing collaboration with other professionals to become a greater expert in the field. Any time a colleague or parent would share a book that they were reading, I’d buy it. This was step one on the road to Oprah; enhancing knowledge. I’ve held onto my Oprah goal (which I now call a goal as a dream indicates something unachievable and a goal is something that I am actively working on). This is the Growth Mindset that I’ve adopted.

I work a lot with children and their families on developing a Growth Mindset. In the book, Bubble Gum Brain by Julia Cook, she has two characters, Bubble Gum Brain who represents a growth mindset and Brick Brain, the fixed mindset. Ultimately, Bubble Gum Brain teaches Brick Brain that each one of us has a Bubble Gum Brain even if it’s hiding behind the bricks. She says add a “yet” to every “I can’t”…..”because becoming is better than being.”

This way of thinking enables us to grow and change in all ways. Many of our children get stuck in rigid, fixed mindsets which hold them back from trying new things or feeling discomfort. Underneath that fixed mindset is usually a fear of failure. Children need help to peel off their wrappers and find their Bubble Gum Brain and turn their dreams into attainable goals.

Below are some tips to help build a growth mindset with your child.

1) Brave challenges: Give your child daily challenges to push themselves outside of their comfort zone. Challenges can be ordering their meal in a restaurant, riding their bike, calling a friend on the phone, trying a new food, or asserting themselves to a teacher about something they didn’t understand.

2) Allowing time for boredom and quiet: Quiet is an important part of the equation; that is time free of devices. When children and teens have the opportunity to be bored, creativity is born. Forts are built, art supplies are taken out and ideas are formed.

3) Daily Meditation Practices: Children of any age can begin to discover the power of meditation. Meditation practices should only be done when children are feeling calm such as in the morning before school or at night before bed. Some families can practice a two-minute meditation in the car before getting out to go to school. For younger children, try Monster Meditation and for older children, you can use Apps such as Headspace or Calm. Remember flexibility is born when we are our most calm and regulated selves.

4) Reading Books, podcasts or watching videos on Growth Mindset: Children and teens will feel more comfortable exploring a topic when done through the back door. There are a number of excellent children’s books which tackle a growth mindset. For teens, using YouTube videos, Ted Talks and podcasts are great ways to introduce growth mindset. My website has some suggestions in these areas.

5) Journaling: I am a big proponent of old school pen to paper journaling. This process not only relieves stress in the moment but allows you to see yourself grow and change over time. While I like the above journal practice, in this article, Psychologist Stephanie Sarkis offers a number of ways to journal - from music, to art, to unsent letters. Experiment and find a journal practice that speaks to you.

6) Allowing yourself to make Mistakes: Modelling mistakes with our own children is a way to demonstrate our own growth mindset, make ourselves vulnerable and take risks. This is the single best way to help our children take risks. I recently taught a wellness class for teenage boys. It was unchartered territory for me and I made many mistakes along the way. Sharing tales of the class with my children became a regular occurrence at the dinner table.

7) Visualization: Visualization can be used as a tool to relax as well as maintain your vision. I often have younger children draw pictures of themselves doing feared activities; ie riding their bikes, asking a question in class or playing with a group of new children. For teens, having them draw or see a picture in their mind of where they want to be in five or ten years can be helpful. For me, I see the gray suit, purple top and black heels that I am wearing on the stage of Oprah.

8) Praise effort over outcome: Effort is the cornerstone of a growth mindset. We must remember to teach our children that art is about process not product, homework is about practice not perfection and as this article says sports are not about innate talent but years of “passionate and dedicated practice.”

Once you’ve shifted your own parental mindset to incorporate these strategies, you will be on your way to helping your family grow to become their best selves.

The children I work with know I always have a pack of gum to share as long as they are willing to peel off their wrapper and use their Bubble Gum Brain. I’m peeling my own wrapper as I write……Oprah, are you out there? I’m on my way!